http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUDbSL-5GHQ
Ever heard a song and it brought somebody to mind?
This song does that for me, made me think of you
Something I havent done in a long time.
Made me think of how I was there for you
And you let that all go for what was convenient.
Now look, Facebook messages apologizing
Stories on how some chick got u by lyin
Now you're locked up.
Mentally
Spiritually
Yea I still have to IM where you wanted
to meet up
Like I would really do anything else for you
Like I still give a fuck
It's cool tho
Because I know, shit you know too
that she could never do what I can do for you.
But that's what you wanted right?
That's why you torn down what we built?
That's why you're miserable
Sitting in the dark looking for my light.
I'm just saying you could do better...
Or maybe not...
Because you had better...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
The commencement of our anatomical..."acquaintanceship" to say the lease was sublime.
confused??...
That night, I felt pleasure, ecstasy.
I wanted more, for it never to cease.
What am I talking about?
That night your body entered mine.
It was sensual, smooth
for some reason, just you, with one
touch can get me in the mood
Your fingers dance on my
lower back
You kiss me softly, letting my
hands caress you
Our hands travel lower
wet to the touch
standing strong and firm
we wanted each other
I can't help but smile
just at the thought
the thought of how you felt
Inside
Deep
Slow
Strong
With just one
one look
touch
kiss
lick
stroke
you had a piece of me
I know you said you're complicated
as if something were missing...
maybe a piece of your heart.
but if you let me,
if you give me the allotted time
I can show you the solution to the
missing part of your heart is to
give you a piece of mine.
confused??...
That night, I felt pleasure, ecstasy.
I wanted more, for it never to cease.
What am I talking about?
That night your body entered mine.
It was sensual, smooth
for some reason, just you, with one
touch can get me in the mood
Your fingers dance on my
lower back
You kiss me softly, letting my
hands caress you
Our hands travel lower
wet to the touch
standing strong and firm
we wanted each other
I can't help but smile
just at the thought
the thought of how you felt
Inside
Deep
Slow
Strong
With just one
one look
touch
kiss
lick
stroke
you had a piece of me
I know you said you're complicated
as if something were missing...
maybe a piece of your heart.
but if you let me,
if you give me the allotted time
I can show you the solution to the
missing part of your heart is to
give you a piece of mine.
He's Not You
i dont want my heart
to settle for what my
mind deems logical.
there's a nothing logical
or rational about love
because of love
pillowcases are drowned
in the tears of the heart's
realization that the love
of yesterday is the heartache
and pain of tomorrow
see, i dont want the
typical love. i dont
want the cliche scenerio
i met him at the club
i met him in class
i met him at the grocery store
i want that created love
you know when God
took the rib of Adam
and created Eve
i want that for me.
tired of watching movies
wishing that kind of love
was real
tired of crying myself
to sleep wondering if i'm
going to be just another
black woman, growing
older, growing wiser,
and more alone.
I want that moment
when a man, a real man
can look at me and say
i love you without
even parting his lips
i want the love
that can only come
from God himself
I want him, my man
whoever he may be
to care, to desire, to uplift
to love unconditionally as i do
i believe in my heart that
God will reveal him to me
and for whatever reason i
feel that he, him, my man
is not you.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Signs and Images God Makes Amazing
When I look at you, I have the worst case of Déjà Vu
Because you remind of a certain pair,
The ones I call the Terrible Two.
That smile, I can’t get enough of but is it because I find it so memorable?
It’s the same smile that I think of when my heart feels terrible.
The smile that told me lies to my face
Said my love could never be replaced
But it was…all over Myspace.
To some degree you both are of the same caliber.
You know what to do to woo her,
My heart.
Both stand for the same thing,
Except that he was a boy, I see you as a king,
What God intended you to be.
I first responded to your familiarity,
Then I had to pray for some clarity.
Why would I my heart desire you
If you remind me of the Terrible Two?
I know what it is, the light in you.
Lately God has been blessing me in more ways than one.
The first was when he sacrificed his one and only son,
More recently he sent me you.
A God fearing man who takes time
To listen to care to laugh with to find.
That, all by itself, is why my heart desires you.
Not knowing where this is going
Not worried who ends up knowing
I just pray that you continue to let your light shine
It helps guide me when I can’t find mine.
Monday, February 7, 2011
In Loving Memory Of...
I walked up to my chest of drawers, opened the third drawer, and removed two pictures. I then grabbed my cup of tea, the pictures, and took a seat on my porch swing. Its April 25th again and I can still hear Johnny’s voice. Looking at the pictures, my eyes began to tear up.
“Come on now, Christine. You are ninety-two years old and that was 1945. You can’t possibly still feel that way,” I said to myself. But I did, I still loved him. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I saw a car pull into my drive way. It was my great granddaughter, Courtney.
“Hey Grandma!” Courtney yelled with excitement and a smile on her face. As she walked closer to the porch, I could tell she noticed my sadness. She sat next to me and put her arm around me.
“What’s wrong grandma?”
“Oh honey its nothing. Don’t worry yourself about me. How are your classes going?”
“My classes are fine grandma. Now tell me what’s bothering you. Come on, you can talk to me about anything.”
She looked very concerned about me. I had never told anybody about Johnny. Maybe it was time for me to let this go. I turned to Courtney and held her hand. I then looked into her eyes and told her about Johnny.
It was January of 1945. I was getting off of work and my sister Sarah was waiting for me outside. She knew that I didn’t like to walk home alone so she would always be there when I got off. But this day she wasn’t by herself. She introduced me to her friends Mary, Valerie, and Valerie’s brother Johnny. He stood there, six foot three...smooth honey complexion...chocolate brown eyes, and a smile that could light the darkest night. From that day on, Johnny and I grew closer and closer. When I got off of work, it would be Johnny waiting for me instead of Sarah. I fell in love with Johnny, and one day while walking home he told me he loved me too.
As soon as I got home, I ran to Sarah’s room to tell her about my walk home. When I reached her doorway, I saw Sarah sitting on her bed crying with a swollen lip.
“What the hell happened to you?
“It’s nothing Christine. I’m okay.”
“Your lip is plumped like a cooked sausage and you say it’s nothing? Girl, you better start talking right now.”
“Damn Christine, okay! I was at the corner store with Valerie buying some Mary Janes. Some white girl name Barbara come up to Valerie and say she gon have Johnny’s baby. Now me and Valerie know that wasn’t true cuz of you. So Barbara got mad and went and told her brother that Johnny tried to feel her up. I was mad and wasn’t thinking about what I was saying and I told her brother that she was a liar. Then he swung and hit me.”
I was so pissed that I left the house looking for that damn Barbara. On my way to the corner store, I crossed paths with Johnny. Already knowing what happened, he talked to me and was able to talk me out of going to the corner store, but I was still pretty pissed off. He convinced me to go home and be with Sarah. He even walked me home just to make sure I did as he said. About half a mile away from my street, I spotted a group of white boys on bikes. Johnny stopped dead in his tracks when he realized who the boys were. One was Barbara’s brother and the other four were his friends. Johnny and I thought that if we just kept to ourselves that we could make it to my house somewhat safely. It didn’t go that way at all.
As soon as the boys noticed Johnny, they jumped him. Two guys held me up against the street lamp while Barbara’s brother and the other two boys punched, stomped, and kicked Johnny. People eventually heard my screams and chased off the white boys. Johnny was bloody and sore all over his body, but he was okay. That was April 24th.
The next day when I got off of work, no one was waiting outside for me. Thinking about what happened the day before, I ran home as fast as I could. Sarah was holding Valerie in her arms in front of the house when I got there.
“What’s wrong with Valerie?”
“Christine, something bad happened. Johnny….”
“What about Johnny?”
“I don’t know exactly how to say it. Christine, I’m sorry.”
“Sarah if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on I’m gon slap the black off you.”
“They killed my brother!” Valerie screamed and fell to her knees crying.
I couldn’t believe that. I didn’t want to believe that. I walked up to Valerie telling her that she had to be mistaken or just plain crazy because my Johnny couldn’t be dead. That’s when I noticed the blood on her hands and shirt. It was true. My Johnny was dead. They beat him until he wasn’t moving and then just threw him in his front yard. Valerie and her mom were at work so he laid there dying. By the time a neighbor walked by, it was too late.
That was it, my story of Johnny. Courtney, who had tears in her eyes, hugged me really tight. I showed her the two pictures, one of me and Johnny and the other was just Johnny. We both sat there looking at the pictures. We didn’t know what to say to each other. I looked over at Courtney and she was smiling. Then she looked up into the sunlit sky and whispered, “Man, you really loved him.” She was right. I did really love him, and I still do.
“Come on now, Christine. You are ninety-two years old and that was 1945. You can’t possibly still feel that way,” I said to myself. But I did, I still loved him. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I saw a car pull into my drive way. It was my great granddaughter, Courtney.
“Hey Grandma!” Courtney yelled with excitement and a smile on her face. As she walked closer to the porch, I could tell she noticed my sadness. She sat next to me and put her arm around me.
“What’s wrong grandma?”
“Oh honey its nothing. Don’t worry yourself about me. How are your classes going?”
“My classes are fine grandma. Now tell me what’s bothering you. Come on, you can talk to me about anything.”
She looked very concerned about me. I had never told anybody about Johnny. Maybe it was time for me to let this go. I turned to Courtney and held her hand. I then looked into her eyes and told her about Johnny.
It was January of 1945. I was getting off of work and my sister Sarah was waiting for me outside. She knew that I didn’t like to walk home alone so she would always be there when I got off. But this day she wasn’t by herself. She introduced me to her friends Mary, Valerie, and Valerie’s brother Johnny. He stood there, six foot three...smooth honey complexion...chocolate brown eyes, and a smile that could light the darkest night. From that day on, Johnny and I grew closer and closer. When I got off of work, it would be Johnny waiting for me instead of Sarah. I fell in love with Johnny, and one day while walking home he told me he loved me too.
As soon as I got home, I ran to Sarah’s room to tell her about my walk home. When I reached her doorway, I saw Sarah sitting on her bed crying with a swollen lip.
“What the hell happened to you?
“It’s nothing Christine. I’m okay.”
“Your lip is plumped like a cooked sausage and you say it’s nothing? Girl, you better start talking right now.”
“Damn Christine, okay! I was at the corner store with Valerie buying some Mary Janes. Some white girl name Barbara come up to Valerie and say she gon have Johnny’s baby. Now me and Valerie know that wasn’t true cuz of you. So Barbara got mad and went and told her brother that Johnny tried to feel her up. I was mad and wasn’t thinking about what I was saying and I told her brother that she was a liar. Then he swung and hit me.”
I was so pissed that I left the house looking for that damn Barbara. On my way to the corner store, I crossed paths with Johnny. Already knowing what happened, he talked to me and was able to talk me out of going to the corner store, but I was still pretty pissed off. He convinced me to go home and be with Sarah. He even walked me home just to make sure I did as he said. About half a mile away from my street, I spotted a group of white boys on bikes. Johnny stopped dead in his tracks when he realized who the boys were. One was Barbara’s brother and the other four were his friends. Johnny and I thought that if we just kept to ourselves that we could make it to my house somewhat safely. It didn’t go that way at all.
As soon as the boys noticed Johnny, they jumped him. Two guys held me up against the street lamp while Barbara’s brother and the other two boys punched, stomped, and kicked Johnny. People eventually heard my screams and chased off the white boys. Johnny was bloody and sore all over his body, but he was okay. That was April 24th.
The next day when I got off of work, no one was waiting outside for me. Thinking about what happened the day before, I ran home as fast as I could. Sarah was holding Valerie in her arms in front of the house when I got there.
“What’s wrong with Valerie?”
“Christine, something bad happened. Johnny….”
“What about Johnny?”
“I don’t know exactly how to say it. Christine, I’m sorry.”
“Sarah if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on I’m gon slap the black off you.”
“They killed my brother!” Valerie screamed and fell to her knees crying.
I couldn’t believe that. I didn’t want to believe that. I walked up to Valerie telling her that she had to be mistaken or just plain crazy because my Johnny couldn’t be dead. That’s when I noticed the blood on her hands and shirt. It was true. My Johnny was dead. They beat him until he wasn’t moving and then just threw him in his front yard. Valerie and her mom were at work so he laid there dying. By the time a neighbor walked by, it was too late.
That was it, my story of Johnny. Courtney, who had tears in her eyes, hugged me really tight. I showed her the two pictures, one of me and Johnny and the other was just Johnny. We both sat there looking at the pictures. We didn’t know what to say to each other. I looked over at Courtney and she was smiling. Then she looked up into the sunlit sky and whispered, “Man, you really loved him.” She was right. I did really love him, and I still do.
He...
He stands there like a pillar of fiery life, living for only himself with no remorse for others. As people listen to the wind blow like God is whispering his blessings, he walks past blowing a cloud of smoke smelling like the breath of decomposition. Talking like a cheerleader on caffeine, he seduces people.
Under his seduction, the people have murky perception. They no longer notice the flowers, colorful like children of the rainbow. They no longer realize the beauty of leaves like plaques of nature. Instead they act, do things, and share other characteristics as those of an addict. They speak as if their throats were generators, voices raspy like someone who had gargled Louisiana hot sauce. They have a certain stench to them, as if they were walking around in singed clothing. People have even lost their lives.
These people will never be the same thanks to him. He’s as smooth as silk, and he will use your curiosity against you. He will cause your life to be as bumpy as a face that is not Proactive. He will cause your demise.
Under his seduction, the people have murky perception. They no longer notice the flowers, colorful like children of the rainbow. They no longer realize the beauty of leaves like plaques of nature. Instead they act, do things, and share other characteristics as those of an addict. They speak as if their throats were generators, voices raspy like someone who had gargled Louisiana hot sauce. They have a certain stench to them, as if they were walking around in singed clothing. People have even lost their lives.
These people will never be the same thanks to him. He’s as smooth as silk, and he will use your curiosity against you. He will cause your life to be as bumpy as a face that is not Proactive. He will cause your demise.
In A Child's Name
The distance from the parking lot to the front door seemed to be thousands of miles to them. When they walked in, she signed her name on the list. They then took a seat in the cold waiting area.
“I’m scared and I really don’t know if this is the right thing to do,” Julia whimpered.
“Well, you should already know what I’m gonna say,” the little girl said.
“Yeah I do. But would I be able to do this?” Julia said questionably.
“I think so,” the little girl said. “You’re smart, you work, and you have experience. I mean you are the oldest grandchild, right?”
“Yeah, that’s true. I have been changing diapers since I was eleven. But what about school and work?”
“Considering I have never been to work or school a day in my life,” the little girl mumbled, “I don’t know what to tell you. I guess we’re, well, I’m just shit out of luck huh?”
“Not really. My heart is telling me not to do this, but my mind is telling me that this is the only way to guarantee that I’ll continue going to school and working. Pretty selfish huh?”
“No not selfish, just very productive thinking. Come on now, you should know that you are not the first girl to ever be in this situation.”
“Yeah, but the girls always end up alone, pissed off, and fighting for child support,” Julia said angrily.
“Unfortunately that is oh so very true,” the little girl said with a giggle. “But hey, you have a great guy. He’ll be there for you.”
“I don’t know how this happened,” Julia said with a searching look on her face.
“Well when a man inserts his penis into a woman’s…,” the little girl said jokingly.
“Obviously I know that. I was careful. We were careful. I don’t get it.”
“What did he have to say about all of this?”
“I didn’t tell him,” Julia said, looking away in shame.
“Yeah umm….don’t you think he deserves to know?”
“I don’t want to have to deal with all the chaos that may come with this.”
“Okay now you are being selfish. He has a say in this just as much as you do. Call him right now and let him know,” the little girl sneered at Julia.
“I can’t call him right now while I’m here. Plus I don’t even know exactly what to say.”
“Just call him damn it!” the little girl yelled.
She grabbed her cell phone dialing the number as fast as she could. With her leg shaking with anticipation, she heard his voicemail starting to play.
“He didn’t answer, and I am not leaving what I have to tell him in a voice message,” Julia said.
“I wasn’t gonna tell you to. I think you should tell him before you go through with this,” the little girl said.
“You’re right, but I just don’t know how to go about this. I don’t want to end up making the same mistake my mother did,” Julia said rubbing her stomach. “So what is your name?” Julia asked in a whisper.
“Now how the hell would I know?”
“It was a rhetorical question smart ass,” Julia said laughing. “I was thinking Da’Shawn Domaneke or Alijah Da’Shawn.”
“I like Alijah. I look like an Alijah.”
“Ok I’ll take your word for it….Alijah,” Julia said with a smile. “So I guess we can leave now, which is good because I’m very hungry,” she said getting out of her seat.
“I’m hungry too. Let’s get two cheese coneys, caramel ice cream, Doritos, strawberry milk, and a donut,” the little girl said with her eyes close picturing the meal in front of her.
“That sounds so good. Hey Alijah….,” Julia stopped and said.
“Yes…”
“I love you,” Julia said with a hopeful grin.
“I love you too, mommy,” the little girl said with a warm and loving feeling.
“I’m scared and I really don’t know if this is the right thing to do,” Julia whimpered.
“Well, you should already know what I’m gonna say,” the little girl said.
“Yeah I do. But would I be able to do this?” Julia said questionably.
“I think so,” the little girl said. “You’re smart, you work, and you have experience. I mean you are the oldest grandchild, right?”
“Yeah, that’s true. I have been changing diapers since I was eleven. But what about school and work?”
“Considering I have never been to work or school a day in my life,” the little girl mumbled, “I don’t know what to tell you. I guess we’re, well, I’m just shit out of luck huh?”
“Not really. My heart is telling me not to do this, but my mind is telling me that this is the only way to guarantee that I’ll continue going to school and working. Pretty selfish huh?”
“No not selfish, just very productive thinking. Come on now, you should know that you are not the first girl to ever be in this situation.”
“Yeah, but the girls always end up alone, pissed off, and fighting for child support,” Julia said angrily.
“Unfortunately that is oh so very true,” the little girl said with a giggle. “But hey, you have a great guy. He’ll be there for you.”
“I don’t know how this happened,” Julia said with a searching look on her face.
“Well when a man inserts his penis into a woman’s…,” the little girl said jokingly.
“Obviously I know that. I was careful. We were careful. I don’t get it.”
“What did he have to say about all of this?”
“I didn’t tell him,” Julia said, looking away in shame.
“Yeah umm….don’t you think he deserves to know?”
“I don’t want to have to deal with all the chaos that may come with this.”
“Okay now you are being selfish. He has a say in this just as much as you do. Call him right now and let him know,” the little girl sneered at Julia.
“I can’t call him right now while I’m here. Plus I don’t even know exactly what to say.”
“Just call him damn it!” the little girl yelled.
She grabbed her cell phone dialing the number as fast as she could. With her leg shaking with anticipation, she heard his voicemail starting to play.
“He didn’t answer, and I am not leaving what I have to tell him in a voice message,” Julia said.
“I wasn’t gonna tell you to. I think you should tell him before you go through with this,” the little girl said.
“You’re right, but I just don’t know how to go about this. I don’t want to end up making the same mistake my mother did,” Julia said rubbing her stomach. “So what is your name?” Julia asked in a whisper.
“Now how the hell would I know?”
“It was a rhetorical question smart ass,” Julia said laughing. “I was thinking Da’Shawn Domaneke or Alijah Da’Shawn.”
“I like Alijah. I look like an Alijah.”
“Ok I’ll take your word for it….Alijah,” Julia said with a smile. “So I guess we can leave now, which is good because I’m very hungry,” she said getting out of her seat.
“I’m hungry too. Let’s get two cheese coneys, caramel ice cream, Doritos, strawberry milk, and a donut,” the little girl said with her eyes close picturing the meal in front of her.
“That sounds so good. Hey Alijah….,” Julia stopped and said.
“Yes…”
“I love you,” Julia said with a hopeful grin.
“I love you too, mommy,” the little girl said with a warm and loving feeling.
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